Personal Wednesday: 2 days before schools start

I switched schools at the end of last year. I took a position at a K-8 school and left special education behind. I'm to teach social studies, the content area that I am originally certified and intended to teach. There was a grade switch (7/8 is now 5/6 grade and I'm actually considered an elementary school teacher in the system). Though this is my 4th year teaching, I have to start over from scratch with lesson planning. I also have to start over from scratch with classroom management; it's been a while since I taught youngsters. 

Despite all of this, I'm relieved to not be at my prior school anymore. Every Sunday for the past 2 years, I would have so much anxiety and my stomach would cramp up thinking about the week ahead of me. I started therapy my third year into it, and even if I didn't work out the rest of the week, I worked out on Sunday so I could get some sleep. 

Work piled on me. They backed me in a corner to be testing coordinator, and on top of the pain that was special education, the people I worked with in my department were also not easy to get along with. I also wanted to teach, and I was given 9th grade English last year. I did ask to teach it, because I had be out of the classroom for 2 years, and I felt my skills melting away. Even though I am certified to teach English, and I love to read, it wasn't what I went to school for. I was given no support and at the end of all of it, I was given a developing on a job that I volunteered to do and didn't reflect everything else I did for that school. 

It seemed like since I was competent and seemed I had a good head on my shoulders, everyone looked to me to do things that wouldn't get done. How could anyone sustain that? I'm getting anxious just thinking about it. 

The point of this post isn't to slam my prior school, though I hate to say that my feelings of my past school has tinted how I'm feeling about this school year, despite everything being new. I'm still having anxiety and last night, I tossed and turned thinking about things that are due by September. I'm anxious about the team I'm working with, my students and my unit plans. I want everything to go well. 

I also can't shake this feeling that I won't be a teacher forever, and despite trying to think positively (I'm teaching the grades I want to teach, the content I want to teach, in a nice, new school), I'm looking around for other opportunities. I'm not sure if it's because my past school practically gave me PTSD and it seemed like for all of my hard work I got a poke in the eye and I don't want to relive the same experiences again this year. 

School starts for Baltimore City next Monday, August 31st. I'm excited and nervous at the same time. I have so much to do before then and I want this year to go well. I want to like teaching. I put a lot of time and money into becoming a teacher. Though it is OK to switch careers, it would be nice to not have to do that. 

I am Malala by Malala Yousafzai, Christina Lamb

So, I picked up this book in March for my step-father, but ended up giving him another book instead. He likes biographies and autobiographies, so I thought Malala would be a good fit for him. It was also 30% off at Target, so…. of course I got it. I kept it when I gave him another book and finally got around to reading it. 

Malala is one of the most famous activists for education out there today. She is the youngest person ever to win the Nobel Peace Prize, which is quite remarkable considering where she grew up and her culture. Her parents, despite their conservative culture, are progressive people. Her father is a teacher and a principal, and has a vision to extend schooling for all children in the Swat Valley. Even before the Taliban infiltrated her village and Pakistan, Urdu culture firmly believed in Purdah, and the idea that women should be segregated from society and wear the burqa. However, her father has ambition for Malala and together, they pioneer and give education, and girl’s education, a voice. Unfortunately, this also made her family, especially her and her father, a target for the Taliban. She was shot along with two classmates on her way to school due to her activism.

Even though Malala’s story is sensational, and her recovery to becoming one of the most well known voices is also sensational, her book falls flat. Even though I had a lot going on these past few weeks (Reflection Wednesday is coming out soon!), this book took me a while to get through. Malala had a co-writer, by the name of Christina Lamb, and it really shows. The book leaps from explanations of Pakistan history and politics, including the emergence of the Taliban, to her history and her experiences growing up. The books also delves into her parent's backgrounds along with her village. It seems like Lamb was trying to give context and a background to Malala's fight for education, but instead of sounding like a 16 year old girl, it sounded like a foreign journalist who involved Malala so her writing could have a personal touch.

I found myself zoning out to many of the political and historical parts of the book, (even though I am a history and political science person!) because Lamb didn't really tell Pakistan's history that well. I found myself drawn towards Malala's personal journey along with that of her father's. It would have been nice to break apart the sections of history and Malala's history so we could see the micro and the macro of the situation leading up to her being targeted by the Taliban.

The last 50 pages, when she is shot, I thought was the most riveting part of the book and I also thought they were the most "her" throughout the entire book. The way she describes the Pakistan hospitals are terrifying and I also particularly was interested in how Britain was involved for her recovery. I also found it was interesting that her family was kept in the dark about Malala, along with everyone visiting her for political gain. I found it was very sad that many Pakistanis were negative towards her, but she alluded to jealousy, which doesn't sound far fetched.

Overall, I wished there was more of Malala's philosophy and ideals behind her becoming an activist. She's a huge credit to her parents, who pushed her and believed in her, despite her being a girl. Malala is very lucky to be born to a father who was progressive despite his culture and he wanted the best for all of his children, either gender. I felt like Lamb should have narrowed down on her lecture on Pakistani history, because it was told in her voice, not Malala's. I would have liked Malala to discuss her religion, which she touched on at the end of the book, but was absent for most of it.

I'm interested to see what Malala does for her life. She is 18 (I think) now, and I'm not sure if she is going to go to University or not. She was incredibly invested in school and though her work as an activist is strong, I would like to read about her going to school.

Reflections and Events

For the past few months or so, though really, ever since I went to Alaska, I thought it would be neat to add a few more post series to my book blog. 

Though I have actively writing about books and movie adaptations of the books since November, my book blog was exactly that, about books. I went to a few places since May, and it was only after I went to said few places that I thought it would be great to have blogged or vlogged about them. Also these past few months, I had a lot of personal changes that occurred, that would have been some neat posts as well. 

And so, drum roll please.... Reflections and Events post series! They'll appear on Wednesdays, so my post cycles will be more during the week. I swear I'll have catchier post series titles, but for now... I think that is pretty straight forward. I'm not sure if I'll do separate blog posts for each (one for event and one for reflection or have just one series with either/or depending on what is going on that month. This will also give me a good avenue to really think about my blog in context to everything else that is going on. I missed quite a few opportunities this spring and summer because it was only after I went to the convention or went on the trip did I really think about what my blog could have benefitted from. 

"Reflections and Events" will be centered around things that are going on in my life, whether it be personal or events that I attend that I think bookish booky readers would be interested in. On my pages, I'll post Events that I'll be attending for that month (if any) just so readers can expect a blog review about it. 

Stay tuned next week for the first blog post! 

Which is better? Ender's Game

So, like most books I've stumbled across in this blog, I nabbed Ender's Game by Olson Scott Card from the Independence School book closet last summer. I've heard about Ender's Game from many people over the years, praising the book as a must read for science fiction. Getting the opportunity to read the book (for free), I decided to take it on as a summer reading project. This was before I knew about Card's beliefs against homosexuality, gay rights and gay marriage, though I believe it was made more apparent as the countdown began with the movie's release.

The movie was released 2 years ago. My co-teacher and I assigned Ender's Game as an extra credit project for 10th grade English and we were both a little worried they would watch the movie and not read the book. Well, we didn't have to worry too much because none of them did it anyway!

I wanted to first start off with my impression and attitude toward the book, in spite of Card's strong advocacy against gay people, is that the book is insightful and thought provoking and is about the atrocities of war, and of young men fighting the old men war. Ender's journey is the hero's journey, with a twist (and a few prequels and sequels). I'm surprised by Card's stance on homosexuality and gay marriage because Ender's Game seems to be a book about inclusiveness and misunderstandings. Upon reading many reviews and articles about Card, he has also turned into a conspiracy theorist (though he's not a racist, which... I guess is good? Why a social justice warrior for one cause and not all others?)

Now, onto the movie. I will say, the movie does a good job of adapting 1st person perspective. I felt like the movie does really good highlights of what the book was about and touches on the main points without sacrificing much of the story. The viewer understands his loneliness and isolation through scenes with other characters and how they treat him. The viewer gets how smart he is through his actions, and the movie does a pretty good job of showing, not telling, the society and the desperation they all feel to defeat the aliens. They show highlights of his journey through battle school and command school, up to his final war game with the Formics and his friends.

Whereas I believed most of the actors in the movie, (Harrison Ford just seems to be collecting a paycheck, I feel) and I felt like Ender could really kick anyone's ass who crossed him, I felt like there was a lot missing from the movie. I'm not sure how it would have been remedied, but though there were scenes where you see Ender be sensitive and empathic with strong ties to his sister, I felt like the final impact of realizing that the Formics couldn't orally communicate didn't really come across. It happened in the book through the game and through his exploration of the game, which was lost in the movie.

I also understand there was a big difference in technology between when the book was written and when the movie was filmed. When I read the book, I envision the kids playing video games and playing the war games in a literal video game (like N64). In the movie, though some of them seemed to be using consols and sitting at like arcade games, Ender was looking a full size screen which looked like a legit camera to zoom in on the actual fighting. To me, it didn't seem like there was much of a separation there between the game and the actual fighting.

Even though the movie wasn't bad and I enjoyed watching it (there was a great cast assembled, Harrison Ford included), I feel like reading the book adds more dimensions to politics and war that is not seen in the movie. The movie also left out the political side of the book, which is an another part to war with Valentina and Peter, Ender's siblings.

Girl with a Pearl Earring by Tracy Chevalier

So, for the past month, I was preparing to move. I was diligently going through my things and getting rid of books, clothes and other materials. I was packing boxes and wondered daily how I managed to keep so much stuff around. It wasn't like I used it... and completely forgot about it when it was put away. 

However, as my adventures to find my wedding dress led me to the Goodwill (I planned my wedding in a month, so there was no stone left unturned when I was finding my dress), I couldn't resist looking at the books when I couldn't find what I was looking for. There were a lot of good books at the Goodwill, and though I resisted getting many others, I couldn't resist Girl with a Pearl Earring by Tracy Chevalier. I stumbled upon the movie on HBO go, and figured that it would be a perfect fit for a review, and of course, 'which is better?' post. 

I didn't like how the book started. I thought it was cumbersome, the way the author described each entrance of characters with weighty metaphors and colorful prose. It almost read like a role play thread where each role player spent their own post describing the character before writing their action and reactions. I thought the beginning of the novel was very slow and I was disinterested in all the characters...Until I wasn't. 

Somehow, Chevalier snuck up on me and turned the story around, weaving connections between Griet and those she came into contact with. Griet would navigate a world that clearly was not meant for her. She fell in love with her master, Veemer, immediately when they met and as a maid working in their home, is on the brink of finally being able to peer into the art world when everything comes crashing down. 

Griet has no power. She is from a destitute family, charged with supporting her family when her father is blinded by his work. Her poverty and sequential low status, follows her wherever she goes. She is on the bottom of the totem pole as a maid in the painter's house, and possibly even sinks lower when she becomes his assistant. She does double the work without a thought from her master. She is made to navigate the social world that goes on below Veemer's art studio in the attic. When the butcher's son takes an interest in her, her mother, despite years telling her to "be a good girl" and that she is too young to be married, pushes her to court the butcher's son, Pieter. 

The theme of powerful individuals extends to which individuals wield the most influence over Griet's life, which include the wealthy patron, the mistresses of the household and finally, the master. It shines a light on women in poverty and how little they mean to those who seek to possess them. Griet at first, chooses the master, until it gets her in the end. When his painting is finished, he does not see her anymore and those who helped him paint, do not defend her against the mistress, his wife, consumed with jealousy. 

At the end, she chooses Pieter. She runs out of the house and goes to the person that will give her safety. I have no problems with that, except the times in the book where they are kissing and fooling around in an alley way and their conversations makes it seems like she is settling. He seeks to possess her too, not taking into consideration her feelings or wants. It just so happens that he is the only viable way out for Griet, and one where she is almost beholden to no one, except her husband. 

I like to think that maybe her attitude changes when she is betrayed by the entire household, including the man she loves. However, the book reads like she is telling a story, and the story is told with little side notes that are tinged with regret. It's not clear whether she regrets her treatment at the house, or if she regrets not being bolder? I think she navigates the world around her with the acute awareness of what happens to maids when they catch the attention of the master's eye and maybe she runs towards Pieter because she finally accepted her feelings towards him. 

The book was a quick read, and possibly a very good book to to read in high school English. A healthy dose of high school English standards (theme, symbolism, motifs, etc.) along with a lot of potential supplemental texts, including the actual painting the book is based off of. It almost makes me wish that I taught English next year, I would definitely have read it with my 9th graders.

The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time by Mark Haddon

I'm on a reading stand alone fiction books kick lately. I similarly found this book like Reservation Blues and another teacher encouraged me to read it. When she summed it up, a boy with Asperger's tries to solve the case of who killed a neighbor's dog, I figured I would give it a go.

I read this book in two sittings. I'm moving next week and the more free books that I can give away/give to goodwill, the better. I also couldn't put it down. When I went to check out my opinion of the book with goodreads, well... some of the reviewers REALLY hated the book. Like, absolutely hated the book/would never ever attempt to give it to another person/never sell it/wish it on some poor smuck. Some people really liked it, but most found it so-so. 

I'm firmly in the camp of so-so. It's very post-modern type of novel. It's told in the POV of Christopher, a teenage book who is on the spectrum. He lives with his father in England and goes to a Special Needs school, though he is very good at mathematics. With encouragement of his teacher, he decides to write a novel but since can't imagine unreal things, decided to write about something true that he considers a mystery. Christopher found a neighbor's dog with a gardening fork (the big ones) in him. The dog was dead. Christopher picked him up to hold him and the neighbor caught him then accuses him of killing the dog. 

He goes around to investigates who killed Wellington, the dog. Through his investigation, Christopher reveals his backstory and the way he thinks. His mother is dead, even though the way that Christopher tells the story of his mother in the hospital makes the reader think there is more to the story than her dying. He reveals his method of thinking, such as his favorite colors, his least favorite colors, his enjoyment of math, his hopes of becoming an astronaut (and reasons why he can never be is heartbreaking), and his befuddlement of people. 

His father tells him to stay away from the death of Wellington case, but Christopher, who connects more with dogs than with people, does not. After an epic blowout with him and his father, the story changes from a boy with autism writing a mystery to solving the mystery of his family. 

The book starts you off on one adventure but then completely changes gears halfway through the book. Christopher's emotions are real, but he processed them very differently than other people. There are emotions of other individuals in the story, but that is lost through the eyes of Christopher. Maybe the subtly is supposed to be lost. I'm not sure, but the mystery of who killed the dog ends rather lamely after Christopher went through the work of talking to strangers and making maps of what could have possibly happened. 

Christopher's declaration that he "can never tell a lie" is an interesting characterization point and when I was reading it, it made me uncomfortable. He states that it is nearly impossible for him to do so, because the unpredictability of what could be there instead of what is there is too much for him and he gets confused and overwhelmed on what to choose. During the book, he definitely does lie, omit facts and tells white lies. I'm sure this is an active choice by the author to say that he can never lie, but in fact, Christopher does and has no insight to what he does to other people. This leads into how he can trust others and his wariness of people.

His mother, in fact, is not dead, but left her husband. She moved to London with the husband of the neighbor whose dog was killed. Chris' father, angry and sad, tells Christopher that she died and hides the letters that she written to him for a year. When it is revealed who killed Wellington, Christopher decides he is no longer safe with his father and decides to move in with his mother in London. For a boy, with autism, who never went anywhere on his own describing his tale of going to London, was a part of the novel that I couldn't stop reading. He even takes his rat with him!

The book ended on a happy note, which made me go, 'aw.' I worked with students with autism for many years and this year also had a few students with autism in my classes. Christopher had a lot of the same characteristics: concrete thinkers and they have the ability to be overstimulated very easily. Everything needs to be scheduled and make sense and I laughed when Christopher discussed his timetable and how when they went to France, he made his parents tell him everything they were going to do that day so he could feel better.

Overall, it's a quick read. I wouldn't go out and buy the book, however, but it's a good way to pass the time.

Reservation Blues by Sherman Alexie

I discovered Sherman Alexie this year while my juniors were reading Native American literature in their English class. The kids enjoyed his memoir called Absolutely True Story of a Part Time Indian and a few of them read The Lone Ranger and Tonto Fistfight in Heaven for their final projects. Reservation Blues was another one of the books that was up for grabs at the end of the year when a social studies teacher was retiring. I'll admit, the title didn't look appealing, but I took it anyway. I'm not normally a plain fiction reader, but I knew the author and figure I would give it a shot.

Sherman Alexie... this book, the history of Native Americans, for a lack of a better word, is just sad. Heartbreaking. But the kind of sadness that doesn't make a person cry, but seeps into the bones and lingers. The kind of sadness that couples with hopelessness and stays with you forever. From the atrocities that occurred with the Native Americans, no one should ever forget what happened, and Reservation Blues makes damn sure of that.

The story opens with a folk legend that is taken for truth. Robert Johnson is standing at the crossroads in the Spokane Indian Reservation with a guitar and deep cuts on his hands. He doesn't want to play the guitar, he tells Thomas Builds-the-Fire, a member of the tribe who is the only one brave enough to speak to him, that he can never play again because The Gentleman will find him. Thomas offers to give him a lift but leaves him at the foot of the mountain when Robert Johnson requests to see Big Mom. The guitar is left in Thomas' car, and the guitar persuades Thomas to start a band with his three former/current bullies, Victor and Junior.

They soon become popular on the reservation and they play their first gig at a nearby reservation, the Flathead reservation. They meet Chess and Checkers Warm Waters, who eventually join the band. The guitar's magic helps them become semi-famous, playing off the reservation, and getting a call from a recording studio in NYC. However, like all Native American history, even though it starts to turn up, it eventually falls apart.

The story itself, a band trying to make it big, isn't unique. The characters, their personalities and their struggles are the embodiment of the same sort of stories found on reservations. Victor is a deadbeat, who mooches off his friend for most of the book, a drunk, and has deep seated anger and rage that has been boiling up in past lifetimes. He's mistrustful and mean, and uses sleeping with women as trophies. After the guitar talks Thomas into starting a band, the guitar finds itself to Victor, who becomes a powerful guitar player because of it.

Junior and Victor are best friends, though the reasons why are not clear until towards the end of the book. Junior drives a water truck and puts up with Victor's drinking (and partakes too) and crap. Junior embodies the Indian man that couldn't quite make it off the reservation but is almost functional on the reservation with his job and his friend. He flunks out of college, with reasons that are not revealed until 3/4 through the book.

Thomas Builds-the-Fire is the main character of the book, and the lead singer. He loves to tell stories. All the members of the reservation knows his stories and they are sick of them. He falls in love with Chess Warm Waters, who is a flathead Indian from the nearby reservation. He is not an alcoholic and is dependable, which are all traits that Chess desires in a boyfriend. Thomas dreams of making something for himself and since there are no opportunities on the reservation, they go off the reservation to see if their band could make it.

Chess and Checkers Warm Waters are sisters, who are plagued, like the other members of the band, by alcoholism and poverty. They fight fires in the summer, and hope that their money last them through the winter. Checkers Warm Waters falls in love with older men and later on, falls in love with Father Arnold, for better or for worse. Chess resents the white women who come onto the reservation, Veronica and Betty and whereas Victor uses them as trophies, Chess views them as women who take Indian men away from them.

Alexie uses prose wonderfully in this book, and the metaphor of Indian horses (and their mass murdering) is constantly referred back too throughout the novel. If I have to go back in the book to remind myself what "something" is (a person, an event, etc.), then the author didn't do their job of effectively making sure that I, the reader, didn't forget about it. The metaphor of the horses and Big Mom stuck with me and when Alexis throws a reminder of the screaming horses, I didn't forget. I knew exactly what he was talking about. The destruction of beautiful horses parallel the destruction of a people.

The sadness of the story is multifaceted but it's not overdone. He presents the reality of Native Americans through dreams, songs and stories, which seems to be the core of their cultures. It demonstrates the conflicts between characters and within themselves but the transition between all three within the larger context of the novel is seamless and it flows. What also flows within the novel is the reference of historical atrocities of Wounded Knee and other Indian wars. Alexie doesn't go into how these events drastically and systematically desimates Native American tribes, but the casual reference of them shows that they will always be apart of Native American history, but more importantly, Native American reality.

BAE has The Lone Ranger and Tonto Fistfight in Heaven and after I work through some of my book stack, I will revisit Sherman Alexie. He is a very talented writer with a viewpoint that should be shared with the world.