The Last American Vampire by Seth Grahame-Smith

I don't remember if the movie, Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter was a huge hit or not. I remember seeing it in theatres (with I think Josh), and really enjoying the movie. It was smartly done with that "tongue-in-cheek" undercurrent, which was the only way that movie could have been pulled off.

I first heard about the author, Seth Grahame-Smith from the book, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies (which by the way, I need to actually see the movie. Quick, was it any good? I didn't hear much about it after it came out, but that's probably a bad sign) and loved the fact that it didn't take the whole zombie or the Austen book very seriously. I know Austen fanatics had mixed feelings about it, but since Pride and Prejudice isn't my favorite Austen book (I prefer Sense and Sensibility more. Yes, a lot of my classmates in my women's lit class had a real problem with that too), so I thought the insertion of zombies was a good touch.

He's one of those authors that kind of fly under the radar for me, personally. After reading Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter, which I enjoyed, I didn't really keep an eye out for his next books. He's a good writer, but to be honest, I didn't really remember much from both PPZ and Abraham Lincoln, only that I enjoyed it.

So, when Audible threw The Last American Vampire by Grahame-Smith into their $5 dollar sale, like most purchases from that sale, I figured, why not? The voice actor (reader? I still don't know) wasn't annoying (I'm still bitter from Magnus Chase) and like I said before, Grahame-Smith always produced pretty good material.

Honestly, after listening to this book, I want to go back, purchase PPZ and Abraham Lincoln and listen to it... because this book was awesome!

It's definitely fantasy. But what I think makes good fantasy (or bad fantasy) different from great fantasy, is when the "world" or concept, like vampires, is just a tool to to really tell a great story, instead of using said fantasy concept to be the story itself. Grahame-Smith does just that.

Audiobook are really dependent on the voice actor they enlist to read the story. If the actor doesn't get the character correctly, or just blows (I'm still bitter), then the whole story is ruined, no matter how good the book is. MacLeod Andrews (what a name!) is phenomenal. The story is meant to be sort of a transcript. The main character, Henry Sturges, is telling his story to the writer of the novel. The listener feels as if Henry Sturges is actually talking to them and recounting his incredible life story. The powerhouse between Smith's writing and Andrews acting is what made the audiobook such an enjoyable listen.

The story itself is ironic, and tongue-in-cheek, creative, funny and sad. The story is about the journey of the vampire mentor who trained Abraham Lincoln to be a vampire hunter. The book starts with Henry bringing back Lincoln after he was assassinated, and the confrontation between the two right before Lincoln kills himself by jumping into sunlight.

Smith uses British and American history characters such as Abraham Lincoln, Arthur Conan Doyle, Bram Stoker, Teddy Roosevelt, FDR and JFK and many others. He also uses the Romanovs, Rasputin and Nikola Tesla to implement Henry into very well known historical events and lace them with realist fantastical touches. The idea that Rasputin was a vampire (and therefore unkillable) isn't so far fetched.

It's a fun book that shouldn't be passed up because it has the word vampire in it. It's almost reminiscent of early Rice's works, where it's not about the vampires, but state of humanity and the never ending fight between good and evil. Highly recommended.

The Martian by Andy Weir

I wasn't aware that The Martian was a book before the movie came out, but when it was 20% off at Target, I snapped it up. I also haven't seen the film first, but I heard from many that it's pretty good, and I quote, "he grows potatoes and shit."

I figure that was a good enough endorsement, and since I realized that it takes me longer to get through books once I've seen the movie (because it just feels like I already know what's going on and nothing is a mystery anymore), I decided to wait to read the book, and catch The Movie when it was out on DVD/Redbox/Amazon/HBO Go.

So, with what this book is about, and the fact that many friends that read the book also warned me that it was pretty technical, I thought this would be a drag, and it would take me weeks to finish. However, I was flat out wrong. The combination of such a funny, geeky, crass character named Mark Watney, the probability that the United States would go to Mars in the 20 or so years, and the improbability that Watney would survive made a riveting book.

I didn't mind the jargon and the technical talk. It actually inflated my ego a whole lot because I felt like I understood him, though I'm sure actual astronauts would roll their eyes and say that's not how that would all work. It really helped that the main character was so jovial and made jokes, despite his impending doom every 5 minutes.

I really liked the different perspectives of NASA and the drive to get Watney home.

It's a very straight forward, action packed book with a bit of suspense at the end. I knew that they would have to get Watney and that everyone would live, but there was a moment or two where I thought it was possible that another astronaut would die, or even Watney would die.

I can't wait to watch the movie!

The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones by Cassandra Clare

Well, with the movie and the TV show, it was bound to happen. It seems I always am behind the trends of YA, but I do end up reading some of them.

But man, Cassandra Clare is infamous. Like, Anne Rice infamous. Though, instead of declaring the Lestat series are finished and she would write exclusively Christian themed novels, Clare is rumored to be a plagiarist during her time as a fan fiction writer, as well as parts of her books to be taken from other works.

Now that I've read her books... I don't think she really hides the fact that she definitely uses folk tales, myths, legends and other public fantasy ideas in her works. I mean, come on, "All the stories are true..." is a running theme throughout the books, and she doesn't make it a secret that she uses everything from vampires, to Norse mythology, to fairy tales, even Star Wars (finding out they were siblings?! Come on.), so I don't think any authors who accuse her of stealing her work really has a leg to stand on, because even though she basically uses everything under the sun in her books, it seems it's a work completely her own.Clare creates an imaginative world where she packs everything she can, all the folklore and urban fantasy into almost an unlimited book series.

Man, again, I have to put Clare in with "people whose careers I wish I stole" because she doesn't pretend to think up all of this stuff on her own. She takes it all and her theme is, "all the stores are true." Brilliant. I would take the haters any day of the week.

I do give her mad props for her extensive world building, which led her to numerous books. How many books does she have out now with different series stemming from The Mortal Instruments? 20? She definitely put time and effort using all she can and she's made a career out of it.

The real question is... is it any good? I'm not sure if I'm qualified yet to answer that question, because I feel like I stumbled into a real Hannibal situation, where I am so saturated with the TV show and the movies, that when it came to reading the books, there was nothing new. The books were almost like the movies, and the TV show added much more to the books. The first book, the City of Bones, definitely follows the movie of finding the Mortal cup, though I'm still confused about the big round blue portal in the movie.

However, her downfall are the characters in the books. She creates a very extensive world with alternative realities and universes, and the "rules" of the universe are practically nonexistent, that she leaves barely any room to introduce any real characters. I was deeply confused when it was revealed that Valentine was also Jace's father. Just to move plot along and create conflict between Clary and Jace, Jace, who was deemed a quick thinker, smart and almost wise beyond his years, absolutely took Valentine, who was deemed a psychopath, at his word, and was immediately obedient to him.

What also didn't work for the book was the snappy dialogue between the characters. It had a very Joss Whedon flair to it, which is admirable, but... since I didn't feel a connection to any of the characters, I thought the dialogue fell flat. I also don't buy that 15 year olds talk like that at all. I taught 15 year olds... they are way dumber. Apparently her writing improves greatly, which I'm looking forward too.

Was it riveting? No. Now that I've seen the terrible movie, and I am watching the TV show on free form which leaves me feeling more confused (I still don't know what's happening and I've read the book now) everytime I watch it. Overall, it took me a bit to get through. I found it boring and I also realized that not much happened (which is an awful realization when you are holding a monster of a book). However, I'm reserving my judgement about this book series with the second book because I definitely watched the TV show and the movie before the book.

Audiobook Wednesdays: The Lady of the Rivers by Philippa Gregory

Oh, Philippa, I can't quit you. I wasn't impressed with the last book I read of yours, The King's Curse, but like I said, I was open to reading more of your books... but not pay full price for them.

Enter Audible's 6 dollar audiobook deal. I'm a member, which means I pay $13.00 a month for a book, but every so often, they have sweet, sweet book deals. I would have never known if it wasn't for the fact I put Down the Rabbit Hole on the wish list, and they sent me an email letting me know that it was on the sale. I snapped up Holly's book, and then took are this time around to listen to the voice actors. This is the first time I ever listened to a book with a British voice actor, and I had trepidations. The sample I listened too was pretty good, and along with another book, I figured, what the hell? I bought it.

This book is a neat set up prequel to Gregory's most famous book, The White Queen, and if you wanted to re-read that book again, you can immediately do so at the ending of this book.

The book is about Elizabeth's Woodville's mother, Jaquetta Woodville, the Dowager Duchess of Bedford and Lady Rivers. It introduces her life as a daughter of a wealthy family of Luxembourg and how she became the Duchess of Bedford, then the Lady Rivers. I was very interested to read about Richard Woodville and Jaquetta's romance, and how she was disgraced by marrying him, which was one of the reasons, (along with the price) I pulled the trigger and bought the book.

At first, I thought I made a huge mistakes. The voice actor was annoying, and when she did the voices of men and other women, some of them trailed off mid sentences, which prompted me to hike up the sound so I could hear them and figure out what the heck they were saying (just a day in the life of a hard-of-hearing person...). I thought this was going to be Magnus Chase all over again but I was relieved to find that when Jaquetta got older, she matured into her voice as well as Richard's Woodville's voice.

Jaquetta meets Joan of Arc in the beginning of the book, as well as introduce magical motifs and themes that are there for a lot of her books. Thankfully, it's not so heavy handed as The King's Curse, where Margaret Pole mentions The Curse on nearly page, and even shows Jaquetta resisting her magical gifts in order to fly under radar for most of life.

I always like reading books where the author refers to other events in other books. Call it cheesy, but it makes me feel like I'm apart of an inside joke or I'm in the know. When she mentions "The 3 Suns" or when she refers to her daughter standing in the road, I'm gleeful, because I know what she's referring to, and I feel accomplished.

Margaret of Anjou is laughably evil and spoiled in this book and I can't imagine a person who can't reflect on their own actions and not draw their own conclusions on their decisions. You're glad when England is ride of her and King Henry, who is such a pool fool. This definitely sets up the saviors that is Edward and Elizabeth who overtake the throne.

I read some of the reviews and some of them critique the fact that Philippa constantly referred to people by their name and title and their relation. I don't remember from her other books, but as an audio book, it was good to hear the titles sometimes and be reminded of who the heck they were. Besides, there are a million Richards, and Edwards and Henries... sometimes it's hard to keep track! Nevertheless, the conversations between Jaquetta and Margaret of Anjou was stilted because Gregory felt the need to constantly refer to everyone by their name and station.

Overall, it was an enjoyable listen. There is some good and bad, and if you want a deep, insightful historical fiction book, this isn't it. Many readers, especially history buffs complained that PG is dumbing down her books to appeal to a larger audience, especially the constant references to various people by their titles and station, but I thought it was better than some of her books. I definitely wouldn't buy it for full price.

Violin by Anne Rice

So if you followed me on twitter, tumblr, facebook or goodreads, you know how I already feel about this book. I got this book a few years ago at the Book Fair in Baltimore, and only now have I gotten to it. Reviews on goodreads were brutal and I went into it with very, very low expectations.

It did not disappoint. It provided me with troll gold as I dubbed Triana "Brann Brice" and her ghost, Stephan, "Mestat." Now, before I get into my review of the book, it's always interesting to think about the state of the author's mind or what the media has covered about their lives as they wrote this book. Ann Rice is notorious for being in the public eye and her views publicized. She notoriously declared that she wasn't going to write any more Lestat books and that her books were going to be strictly Christian. is As I read her books, (a project that inevitably started this blog), it's very easy to tell when she became more committed to Catholicism and when she decided to chill out with said Catholicism. Rice is one of those authors that use her real life to inspire her books and it's very obvious.

When I started reading Violin, I assumed it was when her husband died, and needed to write a book about her feelings and emotional turmoil about the loss in her life. It's cool, I get it and it allowed me to dub the main character Brann Brice, cause... come on. However, as I read the back flap of the cover, it also revealed that at the time, her husband was alive at the time. Nevertheless, after some wikipedia-ing, I found out that like the main character, her daughter died when she was very young of cancer. Incredibly sad, and excellent source material.

But... regardless, this is an awful book. The main female character, a definitely reflection of Anne, mourns over the loss of her husband (who btw, was sick when they married and restored her house and left her a shit ton of money in his will) and runs into a violin playing ghost, who for some reason, puts up with Brann, I mean, Triana's abusive nature. Now, I wish this was the synopsis of the book, but it's literally the entire book. I just spoiled it for you. She goes on and on about how she's so depressed (again, which I get), but then steals Mestat, I mean, Stephan's violin  and pretends to be a great violin player.

Oh, there is side plot for 20 pages about Stephan's journey and how he come to be dead with his violin, but then it's tossed to the side for Triana... and they end up in Vienna, which I don't understand why or even how, truly, and I love far fetched fantasy and time travel, and she's now a renown violin player and everyone is rushing hear her play...

It became such hot garbage that it was then I decided to stop reading. I don't known the end of the book and honestly, I don't care.

Rice will continue to be one of my favorite authors but her writing is so inconsistent. Someone should have vetoed this book. Eventually, I will read Prince Lestat and her The Wolf Gift Chronicles, someday... when I have forgiven Anne for tricking me (YES TRICKING ME) into reading this book.

What are your opinions of Rice's books? Love them? Hate them?

Audible Wednesdays: Down the Rabbit Hole, By Holly Madison

So, I'm not a fan of tell-all books and I'm not really even a fan of autobiographies or even biographies. I'm not sure why, but I never got into them.

However, categorized in "weird things Jordan likes," I am a huge Girls Next Door Fan. When the show aired on E! in 2005, it was predicted that women wouldn't like the show, because it was related to Playboy. However, as my best friend Eliza and I discovered, we really enjoyed the show, following the lives of the blond bombshells of Holly, Bridget and Kendra, who were girlfriends of 80-something Hugh Hefner. It's strange, because it shouldn't work. The show was about 3 women, who look like what we were all pressured to be (or some form of it) in a polygamous relationship with a much, much older man with a reputation as a womanizer, living in a mansion in California without pretty much a care in the world. The show documented their first ever playboy pictorial along with befriending other beautiful women flown in to either test shoot or shoot their pictorials.

But I think why women liked the show so much was because inadvertently, the show actually documented the women's friendships with each other, and how noncompetitive they were with the 1 man that they were dating. I know Eliza and I liked the show for many reasons, but along with the fact that it seemed like all the women, for the most part, got along on the show, it capitalized on their personalities.

I have the first season, and sometimes actually put it on to watch it. After reading this book, I may get the other seasons (minus season 6) and possibly even Holly's World.

When the book came out, I put it on a few wish lists and went on my way. I always have a stack of books to read, and so it wasn't high on my list. However, when Audible did one of their sales, it popped up, and instantly I bought it. $6.00? Of course!

After I was badly burned by Magnus Chase, I was worried that Holly reading her own book was also going to suck. However, she did a great job reading her work. It felt like she was over for a gossip fest, drinking wine and going on about her crazy life. I was always fascinated with Girls' Next Door, and I wondered if their life was as peachy as they showed it to be. I'm not sure what I was expecting, only to hear that he was a monster and the girls were miserable for most of their time with Hef. It was a bit satisfying that Holly called Hef on all of his shit.

We know realities shows, for the most part, are scripted now, but back then, we were none the wiser. It was well orchestrated how Hef looked, but what we should have seen was a senile, old man who loved to keep his ladies controlled and docile.

I found, for the most part, Holly to be fair on her rendition of everyone, including her. The only person that she didn't say anything terrible about was Bridget, who I bet is a sweetheart and a good friend. I really related to Holly, especially during her time trying to figure herself out, and having such low self esteem being with a guy who controlled her.

I was surprised by Kendra and Holly feud that festered between them. Holly seemed to be fair, casting her in both positive and negative lights during the course of their friendship. It was sad that it ended that way, but Holly didn't seem too upset over it.

Overall, it was a great book and I was glad that Holly climbed her way out of those situations to find her dream man and now have a kid. I thought it was a bit cheesy at the end, but her happiness seeps through, and she deserves it.

Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D #1 by Guggenheim, Peralta and Rosenburg

I'm so relieved that Agents of SHIELD, the TV show, became a good show. It was pretty rough first season due to the restrictions placed on them but I'm very glad that it turned itself around. I also wasn't sure about Agent Coulson becoming an actual protagonist instead of a weird side character that appeared in Marvel movies, but you know.... I actually liked what they did with him and the character. Good on you, Agents of SHIELD.

The comic book does a very good job of mirroring the TV show without it either taking away from the TV show or loading it down with unnecessary action or character development. All of the characters are there, Daisy (which by the way, who else is kind of weirded out that Skye just all of the sudden wanted to be Daisy? Sure, your father sacrificed everything, but I mean, you were called Skye for most of your life... It's not a detriment to him to still be called that.), Deathlok, FitzSimmons, May, Bobbi and Ironman, cause you don't have to pay RDJ.

The scene opens with Coulson getting beaten up, tied to a chair, and "takin' it like a man." He slyly calls his strike teams and takes down the bad guys with quips and snarky comments typical of Joss Whedon-esque dialogue.

There is a good setup for the story and the comic ends on a cliff hanger. However, again, like I said before, it's not imperative to read the comic to enjoy the TV show, and there is just enough action to not take away from the show itself. What this comic does is give more access to it's beloved characters and allow us to peek into their lives while they are not on the show. What I found interesting is that it completely ignored Daisy/Skye, choosing to focus on May, Fitz and Coulson.. oh, and Tony Stark.

There are a few panels that stick out to me the most. In one scene, Fitz and May are training, and then Fitz asked MAY out on a date. Damn, Fitz. I'm not sure if it's going to work out, but I admire Fitz' bold move to ask her out, and May's willingness to accept. There was a lot of tension between May and Andrew on the show (which was so sad, you guys) and I'm glad that May is treated like a woman with feelings instead of a robot in the comic and giving her a chance to at least try and move on. However, I sort of feel like May may eat Fitz alive... and I also feel like Fitz will enjoy it. Fun for all!

Finally, I'm kind of put off by Coulson being REALLY BUILT in the comic. Like, him and Lola sleep together, which fine, whatever, and then they show him going to her computer to gather intel when she catches him. He's like... 40 or so. 40 year old men can be in good shape, and Coulson has to be in good shape to do his job, but... he has the receding hairline of an older man and a body of an inshape 25 year old in this panel. It was a bit off putting with baby smooth skin. I would think at least the illustrator would be more scars on him or make him a bit gritty. I get they want him to be an "Bond" like character, but... not appealing. At all.

I really like the illustration and the action in the comic and besides for the hunked up version of Coulson, it was a solid read. I hope I get more of this series, but I already have a backlog of a lot of comics to get through.